{"id":6122,"date":"2016-02-10T09:28:22","date_gmt":"2016-02-10T08:28:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kimsomberg.nl\/?p=6122"},"modified":"2024-05-13T11:03:38","modified_gmt":"2024-05-13T10:03:38","slug":"het-citaat-dark-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimsomberg.nl\/en\/het-citaat-dark-times\/","title":{"rendered":"The Quote: Dark Times"},"content":{"rendered":"
This beautiful song by Strand of Oaks stirs up a lot of emotions for me. The words written by Timothy Showalter help me convince that I am strong enough to conquer the darkness from my past.<\/h6>\n\n\n\n
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Either get out or stay in
I won\u2019t let these dark times win<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JM \u2013 HEAL, Strand of Oaks<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When I got the chance after a concert by Strand of Oaks in Utrecht to personally tell Timothy Showalter how much the above words mean to me, I got very emotional. \u201cYour music touched my heart\u201d I told him, after which he took my hand and answered \u201cAnd you guys touch mine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without going into detail, my childhood was not a happy time. I grew up in an environment that was not safe, not a home, where depressions and psychoses also determined my life as a child and where I soon learned that it was best to keep quiet and to drift away into a fantasy world. The world I lived in back then literally felt as dark; a tangible darkness from which I could only sometimes escape for a short moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a long and difficult time I luckily managed to fully escape that world. Physically, but unfortunately not mentally. Now still, I suffer from the consequences of PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder); fear, panic attacks, depressed feelings and reliving the past. But it also manifests itself in a more subtle way in the form of insecurity, guilt and an extreme sense of responsibility. Those things are hard, but you do learn to live with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Those \u2018dark times\u2019 will never completely vanish; they are part of who I am, whether I want to or not.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Reliving trauma on the other hand is much more difficult to cope with because it can occur randomly. Triggered by a song on the radio (\u2018Fast Car\u2019 by Tracey Chapman), a certain smell (cloves) or without any clear reason at all I slip back into that suffocating darkness from the past. Like a tidal wave that carelessly washes me away. And at times it\u2019s hard to break free from that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s why I was so moved by the above lyrics by Strand of Oaks. The entire song feels like it\u2019s about me; from the text to the squealing, almost crying guitar. So many emotions and feelings come up when I hear this song that I can barely keep my eyes dry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This song came at exactly the right moment; when I really started to learn how to cope with my trauma and accept it. Those \u2018dark times\u2019 will never completely vanish; they are part of who I am, whether I want to or not. They will always remain present in the background. But I am gradually learning how to deal with this, to keep myself from being washed away by that dark wave. I won\u2019t sink to the bottom; I will swim back to the surface. \u2018They won\u2019t win.\u2019 \u2018I won\u2019t let them.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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